A Response to that Mail Online Article

A YEAR AGO TODAY!
#fishfingergate 😂

True story.

GUESS THE BABY
“Your boys are all so similar!” is something I hear every day so here they all are as babies, just for fun. Who’s who? Clue: each of them appears at least once in these 6 pics ... I am sure this should be really easy, but let’s see!
#boysboysboys
#babybabybabyoh

5 MONTHS
Could not love him any more if we tried. Cheesy neck folds and all.
#wilfnicholas
#thirdbabyofthebunch

This evening, the baby cried for 2 hours and then went to bed at 5:50 (nervous laughter about the night ahead) and as I type this, his big brothers are in a time-out after ignoring 3 x warnings and a stern-dad-voice ‘I’m counting to 5’, after which they still gave zero fucks about all the stuff we’d asked them to do/not do (including carrying highlighter pens around the house without lids on and shouting about butt holes). I don’t really want to post a picture of two overtired children who are sobbing because I’ve cancelled tonight’s Talking Teddies (a play I put on using their teddies as the actors, it’s pretty funny if I do say so myself 🤣) so here’s a pic to remind me - and you, if your evening has rapidly gone downhill - that it IS all worth it, even if you are quite tempted to open the front door and keep on walking. Tomorrow is a new day.
#filetodayinthefuckitbucket
#NOMUMNOTTHETALKINGTEDDIES
#thatlllearnthem

Reasons my children have put forward for not being asleep:
- They need a drink
- They need a wee
- They want a cuddle
- “Henry is keeping me awake”
- “Jude is keeping me awake”
- There is a slug in their bed (this is simply not true, but I had to check)
- They have growing pains
- They forgot to clean one tooth
- They’re scared of the window
- It’s too hot
- It’s too cold
- They want ‘a little chat’ about wrestling
- They can’t find the toy that came free with a Happy Meal in 2014
- They are worried about the shadow of Brexit hanging over UK businesses (may have made the last one up). THEY ARE NOW IN BED ASLEEP ... just as I head off to bed, anticipating the baby’s night feeds. Isn’t three a lot of children? 🤣

I swear nursery is like some kind of alternative universe where kids demonstrate a fondness for foods they would literally throw in your face at home. “He really enjoyed his Thai green curry/fajitas/quorn lasagne/[insert any other meal you’ve tried a hundred times unsuccessfully at home]. He ate all of it!” At first, I’d have to stop myself from saying, ‘Sorry, he ate the fishcakes? Is this a wind-up?’ and one time I was almost certain they were giving me a food report for the wrong kid when he ‘liked the salad in particular’ 🤔but this week Jude clarified what’s really been going on with his sudden plate-clearing superpower: ‘I just like nursery cooking’🤷🏼‍♂️ Wonderful. Thanks buddy. Now I know 😆[And yes, for the very eagle-eyed among you, his shoes are on the wrong feet]
#flashbackstosoupgate
#mummyscookingisnotthebest
#nurserydinnersforthewin

Nope, I didn't delete it! 🤣 #dildogate

Anna

One for the mantelpiece? 😄

Though his bibs may be permanently soaking and his neck folds a bit cheesy (the joys of reflux), this one is, on balance, an absolute joy. I think we’ll keep him.
#wilfnicholas
#somanyoutfitchanges
#butstillfollowinghislineonthechart
#sonoonegivesashit
#ifyouknowyouknow

Mummy Social

❤️

Message of the day from Helen Hartley, who said, ‘my 4-year-old’s homework made me giggle!’ 😆

Update 25/04: it’s now £1.99.

⭐️🌟99p KINDLE alert! 🌟⭐️
If e-books tickle your pickle, The Unmumsy Mum Diary is an Amazon ‘daily deal’ - just 99p for TODAY only (it’s taken me until teatime to remember to post, sorry 🤦🏼‍♀️😂). If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download to your phone/tablet (perfect for night feeds 😴) with the Kindle app. LESS THAN A POUND!
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B01JP1KE9Q/

LADbible

😱😱😂

This (blurry iPhone pic) was me leaving the Royal Devon & Exeter hospital, 4 hours after giving birth to Wilf. I had all the essentials covered: comfy trainers ✅ husband’s PJ bottoms over an adult nappy ✅ baggy easy-boob-access top ✅ big coat (it was 4am and 12 days before Christmas) ✅ and I’m so very glad the world’s media wasn’t camped outside the front door as I waddled out saying “funny thing, it feels like the baby came out of my arse” and James started effing and jeffing about not being able to lengthen the car seat straps in the dark. Wouldn’t change a thing, obvs.
#notaroyalbaby
#butaspecialonenonetheless

😂😂😂

It’s crazy to think that if this scamp had been born just 12 days earlier, he’d be starting school this September 😱 In some ways, he already seems quite grown up, possibly because he idolises his big brother and looks like a giant next to his baby brother. Yet in many other ways, he still seems so little. He still pronounces yellow ‘lellow’, when Henry winds him up he shouts, ‘Henry’s telling LIARS!’ and he can’t get to sleep without sniffing Mummy Pig’s little stinky stick feet. It’s like a glorious* inbetweeny age and though I am sure he would have been fine starting school, I’ll admit I’m glad we’ve got him at home for another year.

*’glorious’ excludes the dissatisfaction he shows at mealtimes and his refusal to walk if he deems the walk ‘boring’ (i.e. all walks).

‘How did you know you wanted three?’ is a question I get asked a lot. The short answer, and I know it’s a wanky one, is that I just knew. Not immediately - I certainly didn’t grow up thinking I would have three, I always imagined having two [girls, ahem 🤣] and even after Jude was born I was pretty adamant that we were ‘done’ (terrible expression that, but you know what I mean). I even sold all the baby bits because it seemed so very unlikely that we would ever ‘go back there’ (let’s be honest, I’d made no bones about how hard I’d found the whole baby stage, twice!)

Yet as school loomed for Henry, and Jude became a toddler, I started to feel incredibly broody. It’s hard to explain the intensity of that feeling without feeling guilty as I don’t think I‘d ever felt it in quite the same way before and I’m worried that may sound as though Henry and Jude weren’t wanted which is absolutely not the case - both were planned and wholeheartedly wanted - it’s just that the longing I had for a third baby was like a force had taken over my mind and my body and all of a sudden that maternal ‘cluckiness’ I‘d been convinced had bypassed me was right there. I have wondered if that change in feeling was down to my hormones and age (I was 24 when I had Henry compared to 30 when I fell pregnant with Wilf, I don’t know if that makes any odds?!) but I also think it was five years’ of ‘we find this parenting thing hard, too!’ messages and comments from you lovely lot which made me realise that I WAS a good parent and that maybe, just maybe, if I had another I would allow myself to fret less and enjoy it more.

I am definitely fretting less. I am also drinking him in more, not in a strange liquid cannibalism kind of way, I just mean I stare at him a lot. Of course, I am still absolutely bloody clueless and even if I had 20 kids I would probably still be Googling my ridiculous concerns at 3am but I have cut myself more slack this time and it is to you lot that I owe my thanks for that. Three is definitely our magic number and even though #blessed makes me want to dig my eyes out with a rusty spoon, I know we are ❤️

#lovesofmylife
#broody
#notnowobviously
#thathasbeencured

Always listen to your body 🙌

Mummy Social

#TeamDex 💪

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why I'll Never Regret Having Children

I've blogged! Why I've never regretted having children and why I was offended when it was insinuated that I might have ...

Today we went to the wedding of one of my oldest school friends 👰I was a bit worried about how Wilf would cope (the bigger boys are having a sleepover at Granny’s house) but in the end, he was a star. Admittedly, babies + weddings are not the *most* relaxing combo and there was a lot of rocking, bouncing and ssshhhing during the speeches. Wilf also farted during the minute’s silent reflection in church and did a poo just in time for the group photograph 👍🤣 But I loved having him there to cuddle, particularly as today also happens to be my birthday 🎁🙊. We stayed to watch the first dance before the crying really kicked in (from Wilf, not me, though weddings do make me totes emosh) and then we called it a night. As birthdays go, ‘twas a lovely one. Thanks to everyone who gave me the nod of encouragement to wear a suit after my dilemma on Instagram stories yesterday. I opted for a bright orange splash of colour which thankfully steered me away from funeral-chic (though on reflection, it did have a hint of Easy Jet about it). Thirty-one, I’m ready for you 😄

This right here is my (biggest) little boy’s dream coming true today when he met Jace Norman aka Henry from his fave show Henry Danger (for fans of the show - yes he has grown 😳and yes that is such a mum thing to say 😂). If you were to look up ‘starstruck’ in the dictionary, I’m pretty sure it would say: ‘when Henry Turner met Henry Danger’. I have NEVER seen him so wide-eyed, lost for words and positively shaking with excitement. I was there on hand like a rained-on and frumpy wingwoman, carrying his bag and coat while whispering, ‘ask him a question, say something, say anything, SPEAK!’ (as I smiled awkwardly at this trendy teenager, I’ve literally never felt so old in my life 😭🤣). Luckily, Jace is clearly used to having tiny superfans (and their mums) going shy in his presence and was really lovely to Henry, encouraging a chat and a handshake. We were there to watch a screening of the new Nickelodeon movie Blurt and just now on the train home, Henry informed me that it was one of the best days of his LIFE, ever, which made me feel a bit weepy. Days like today don’t come around very often and it was so nice to spend time just us two again ❤️

Last week I launched a brand new range of kids’ t-shirts and I honestly can’t believe how well they’ve gone down, particularly this one 😁

As with all items, 10% of profits go to Tommy's and all tees have a ‘Global Organic Textile Standard certification’, which means they’ve been audited for a wide range of sustainability and social criteria, including fair pay and working conditions in the supply chain.

There are lots more designs already on the site and many more to come but I will be sharing those on the Unmumsy Mum Store page rather than here - I just wanted to give you a heads up as I had so much fun getting involved with designing these. Note: sizing info in comments.

https://theunmumsymum.teemill.com/collection/kids-t-shirts/

It’s like Wilf’s thinking, oh God, not these giants again 🤣 I’m actually working today as there is just too much to do to keep ignoring it, but this was too much of a distraction 😍

Eggcellent 🐣

Date night with my biggest boys while Daddy’s out watching the boxing 🥊 and Wilf’s asleep 🙌 I was in my PJs by 4:30PM and we all ate frozen beige carbs for tea because sometimes that’s just life. Happy Easter if that’s your thing and happy just-another-weekend if it’s not xx

Photos from The Unmumsy Mum's post

This morning I had the great pleasure of joining Natalia (Elizabeth's Footprint) for 11 miles of her mammoth fundraising walk in memory of her daughter, Elizabeth. It is very difficult to put into words just how inspiring and extraordinary Natalia is - even more so because she doesn’t see herself as being particularly inspiring or extraordinary - but after spending 4 hours chatting as we walked across some very muddy Devon countryside, nothing would make me happier than knowing I have helped, even if just a little bit, to share her story. Since losing Elizabeth to HLH (a rare auto immune condition), Natalia has walked more than 7000 miles (yes, seven thousand!) and raised more than £230,000 for the Paediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) at the Bristol Children’s Hospital. Not content with having walked the entire British coastline, Natalia is STILL walking and is currently undertaking her third ‘walk of love’, this time with her route mapped around visiting a number of hospitals. She has no plans to stop walking any time soon, with the aim being to reach her fundraising target of £1,000,000. Please follow Natalia, have a look and her website (https://elizabethsfootprint.com) and maybe say hi if she is walking near you soon. I feel so incredibly humbled to have walked with her today (even if her sense of direction was slightly alarming for someone who has walked so very far, hello dead ends with electric fences 😳🤣). An unforgettable day ❤️
#elizabethsfootprint
#actsofkindness

Parenthood is basically just one sniff test after another. Pleased to report that in this instance, no faecal matter was detected 👍
#celebratethesmallwins
#itwaschocolate

So much pain in one photo 😆

Very, very exciting moment in the Turner household today when a bundle of David Walliams books turned up for the boys, signed by the man himself. I did a kind of squeak when I opened the box and have been itching to tell them ever since (had to wait until H got back from his school disco🕺🏼). I’ve been fortunate enough to have been gifted many things since starting the blog but this is, without doubt, the most special of them all. If you read this Mr Walliams, thank you for helping a six-year-old to fall in love with books and inspiring him to think being an author is ‘really cool.’ There is no greater gift (and he now thinks you’re even cooler - bet you can’t wait for our letter back 😬😂)
World Of David Walliams

Draw a what? 😳😂
[Repost from Mummy Piggles]

Happiness is ... playing ‘bands’ with your brother, where, after making and cutting out concert tickets for your mum and dad, you wait for them (and your tiny baby brother) to come upstairs at the rock ‘n’ roll time of 6pm sharp to witness the show unfold ⚡️🎸
#andwhatashowitwas
#internationaldayofhappiness
#icouldpretendtheytrashedthenursery
#butitactuallyjustlookslikethat

Photos from The Unmumsy Mum's post

No YOU made a WWE snowman and gave him a cheesestring for a nose because you didn’t have a carrot 😂⛄️
#stumpiestsnowmanever
#dontfancyhischancesinthering
#kidswillbedevastatedwhenhemelts
#frostyjohncenasnowman

WILF’S BIRTH STORY!

“I have had so many messages since I mentioned hypnobirthing asking if I would recommend it and I honestly can’t recommend it enough. This comes from a sceptic - someone who was worried she might have to start chanting or sacrifice an animal under a full moon while wearing tie-dye – when in actual fact, it was just a course geared towards making every type of birth as positive as possible.”

It’s taken me three months but here it is, the birth of little Frodo (does anyone else have obscure nicknames for their children?) Full post here (it’s quite long, sorry!):

http://www.theunmumsymum.co.uk/wilfs-birth-story.html

Photos from The Unmumsy Mum's post

Imagine my excitement when I found out Emma brummymummyof2 and fam were coming to Devon. Imagine my husband’s excitement when I told him we were all going to meet up for the day and he could make dad-chat with Emma’s husband 🤣Imagine Henry’s excitement when he realised he could eat his dinner with Erin who is not only a whole year older but also knew the exact date the Great Fire of London started, which blew his mind. Imagine Jude’s excitement when he got to do some dancing/dabbing on an actual dance floor. Imagine Wilf’s excitement when (just kidding, Wilf was not impressed by any of the above but did enjoy leaving a trail of snot in Emma’s hair 👌). This is us outside in the snow after leaving the husbands and kids to ‘go get a seat while we get a picture for Instagram’ (otherwise, did it even happen? 😉)
#brummymummycomestodevon
#shedidthinkilivedindorset
#butimpreparedtoletthatgo
#wilflovinglifeasusual
#ohwilf

Photos from The Unmumsy Mum's post

Such high expectations vs how it was going after 20 minutes 🙄😂 We’ll try again next week 💪
Turtle Tots Exeter and East Devon
#ohwilf
#theresalwaysone
#itsalwaysoneofmine

Timeline Photos

What with this, our National Trust membership, an interest in pasta sauce stain removal and an obsession over ‘good drying weather’ I think it’s happening guys.
#oldbeforemytime

Timeline Photos

Baby wallets 🤣
(Repost @houseofwhite_ via @fourthtrimag on Instagram)

The ‘7 types of wanker parent’ piece I wrote for British GQ is doing the rounds online again today. I’ve been guilty of at least 2 if not 3 of these at various stages 🙋🏼‍♀️...

http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/the-unmumsy-mum-parenting

Happy Mother’s Day y’all!
We managed lunch OUT without any dramas, though I’ve realised that we’ve actually just downgraded what we consider a ‘drama’ to be (today saw 2 x drink spillages, several urgent loo trips including a near-miss poocident, an argument over who ‘won the race’ to the restaurant and Jude walking into a lamppost 🙄😂). Always a funny old day, this year is my first Mother’s Day as a mum of three (😱) and my sixteenth without my own mum, who will forever be missing from the table. Thinking of all the wonderful mums I know (even if nobody has told you recently, you’re doing a great job 💪) and everyone for whom, for whatever reason, today is difficult 😘
#mothersday
#watchyourdrinkwatchyourdrink
#toolateitsonthefloor
#absolutecarnage
#butgettingusedtoit
#mummypiggotwankered

Timeline Photos

(Rescheduled) World Book Day:
Burt from Ratburger 🐀🍔
#worldbookday2018
#burtsburgers
#davidwalliams

Hurrah For Gin

💪💥🙌💫

I can only guess what he’s thinking 🤷🏼‍♀️

routestoparenthood.co.uk